he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
