I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
