Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
