My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
