To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
