Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
