i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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