i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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