Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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