found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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