Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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