She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
