How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
