I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
