is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
