I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
