Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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