Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
