"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
