tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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