i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
