i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
