i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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