Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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