How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
