Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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