Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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