Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
