Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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