I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
