It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
