two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
