i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
