Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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