I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
