I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
