Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
