FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
