Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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