At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
