I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
