Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
