is your mom at the bar?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
