I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
