You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
