this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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