I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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