I cockslap morals
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
