I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
farters have to be the big spoon...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
