this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
