the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
