he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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